Think back to the last time you had a conversation with a woman you were interested in.
Let me ask you something... what were you focusing on the MOST? Was it:
- Wondering if you'll get her phone number?
- Trying to make a good impression, so she'll like you?
- Doing your best to sound confident and smooth?
I've been thinking about this a lot today, and I realized that one of the biggest mistakes us guys make is that we are too focused on "what she thinks of us" or "if we're going to get what we want (phone number, first date, sex, etc)"... that we completely forget the purpose of the conversation, which is...
Getting to know the person in front of you!
It sounds simple, but if you remember this when you're in the real world talking to a real woman, you'll loosen up, and start genuinely try to get to know her, and she'll FEEL that.
If she feels like you are actually interested in her, she'll become MUCH more interested in YOU. I've got a few great tips for you to use next time you talk to a nice looking girl.
1: Notice what she gives you.
Here's what I mean. If, during the conversation, she mentions that she went bowling last week with her best friend, then you should ASK her about it. She's giving you a way to ask her about her personal interests, and she's hoping you'll pick up on that, and run with it.
If she mentions that she went bowling, you could follow up with any of the following questions or remarks:
* Oh that's cool, I used to bowl in a league. How often do you play?
* Who do you usually go bowling with? What other kind of things you and your friends to together?
* I think that's awesome that you like bowling, because it's one of my favorite things. How long have you been playing?
Remember, take what she gives you, and use it as an entry way into a deeper conversation about personal interests, instead of being stuck in endless small talk (which she doesn't want either).
2: Ask her direct questions about her personal interests.
Don't make the mistake of spending too much time talking about "surface level" stuff, like the weather, or the other people in the place, or the band that's playing.
That kind of conversation is only interesting for the first couple minutes, because she's waiting for you to take it to the next level.
Don't be afraid to just go ahead and ask her about herself. I know this sounds like common sense, but do you DO it in real life? If you see that she's wearing an interesting necklace, ask her about it. If you saw her playing pool before, ask her who taught her how to play.
The point is... you want to talk about personal stuff, not surface level crap. Start with small talk, but move out of it after a few minutes, or she'll get bored of the conversation (and so will you).
3: Don't ask for a date. OFFER a date instead.
You're not a child who has to ask permission anymore. If you want to take a woman out, just let her know that you're interested in make an offer to spend time together at some place interesting.
Lots of people make offers to you every day. Some you accept, some you don't. Here's an every day example:
When you go through the drive thru at a fast food place, and you order a sandwich, what do you almost ALWAYS hear? Usually you'll hear something like, "You can upgrade that to a combo meail for only a dollar more. Would you like to do that today?"
It's kind of the same thing with talking to women.
She's already ordered the sandwich by having a nice conversation with you right now. You can simply let her know that you enjoy her company, and you'd like to offer her a chance to continue getting to know each other. If she says no, it doesn't have anything to do with you as a person. It's just not something she's interested in, just like you're not interested in buying the combo meal sometimes.
Here's why I bring this up. Those fast food places that offer the combos with each order have dramatically increased their total sales volume by juat making that simple offer.
YOU could do the same thing with your love life!
You could dramatically increase the amount of women you date just by offering each one that you're interested in a chance to get to know you even better. If one says no... who cares? The next 2 will say yes. But ALWAYS make the offer.
The 14 year old kid at the drive thru isn't afraid of you saying "No thanks, and you shouldn't be afraid of some woman saying the same thing.
In Conclusion...
Remember, talking to women is not a sporting competition that you either win or lose. She's a real person who's giving you an opportunity to get to know her. She won't always make it so easy for you, but just keep trying.
Focusing on "getting a result" from the interaction is a huge mistake. It makes her feel like you see her as a "task" that needs to be completed instead of a person.
Do your best to get to know her, and forget about getting phone numbers and emails. When you become genuinely interested in the women you talk to, the phone numbers and emails will pile up faster than you can count them!
Here's a quick recap of the 3 tips...
1. Notice what cues she gives you to work with. Often she'll reveal tiny snippets of personal information, hoping that you'll take the ball and run with it. Pay attention to what she says, and use it as a doorway into deeper, and better conversation.
2. Ask her questions about her personal interests and passions. Try to get off the small talk after a few minutes. Start with something innocent and minor, but try to take the conversation to a personal level. It makes it more interesting for the both of you. Trust me, she DOESN'T want the conversation to stay surface level the whole time. If she does, then find someone else.
3. Would you like the combo meal? If you're even MILDLY interested in a woman, always make the offer to continue to get to know each other at another time. They won't all say yes, but if you don't offer... NONE of them will say yes.
Wayne Gretzky said, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." I couldn't agree more.
I hope you got a lot of value out of these tips. Now, you might be wondering what's next. What's the next step in learning how to be powerful with women.
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If you haven't already, go check out my new report called "Makeout Mastery". In it, you'll learn all my best secrets for getting physical with any woman. You'll also learn what to DO on a date that will turn her on, and make her want to see you more and more.
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