Dear Heart

Dear Heart,

You’re weird. First you gave love a chance, loving the wrong person for so long. You gave it all you had and let yourself open without thinking that you’ll ever get hurt and for two long years, you loved with all you had even though you knew that the other heart did not love you as much. You kept loving and loving, hoping that you & the other heart will meet half way. Then the time actually came … the time where you got hurt. Not just a short amount of hurt; you were hurt for two year. For two year … you were completely broken & shattered. So broken that everybody noticed it. You didn’t want to give love a chance again; never again. Why would you give love another chance when you have gone through so much bullshit and lies? One of my old friends once said to me “She ripped out your heart; stepped all over it, crushing it to pieces and then just left it there without even cleaning it up” and honestly; I’m very sorry. So so so so so sorry that I put you through so much hurt & pain. That is why I kept you locked up. I was never going to put you through more pain. So when this new girl came in my life, I kept you locked up even though you kept telling me to go for it while my head kept telling me “no” because I wanted to keep you protected. But you kept trying to come out and over power my mind. So after all the things you’ve been through you still wanted to open up to this new girl, which amazed me. She must be something special if you wanted to give love another try just for this one new girl. Then finally, you over-powered my mind. I listened to you rather then my head. I’m glad I did listen to you heart because I can honestly say that I am truly happy and I feel as if you are healed. You are so much better. You helped me turn from that bitter heart broken man to this happy cheerful man. After that two years, you decided that you’ll give love another chance. Thank you because I have a good feeling about this girl. A very good feeling. Thank you for telling me to go for her. I’m so happy because even though I put you through so much pain, hurt, tears, bullshit, lies, and torture, you are still willing to give love another chance…

Can’t Name You…………

 

There are some moments in life when you feel like dieing because it wont be worth living after witnessing such beauty. I've got a post on hold, one that is long due now. I've started writing it, but can't really get anywhere. I may publish it unfinished. But this one, I must post now. I'm afraid I wont be able to write about it, if this moment passes. I've been checking her album. She accepted the request today and she has written a post in her blog. Can't write the words of admiration that I want to as photo-comments. It'll be too much out-in-the-open. Some feelings, you need to hide. Murmur in her ears in private, in person, silently. Can't do that either. Can't fall in love with her. Twitted the moment, "There are two ways out of her eyes, love or death..." Love is an impossible option, death isn't even an option. I hate it! I know this is momentous, but moments I believe in. Eternity doesn't have the ability to hold it. Why does it happen to me? I should be dead, or in love...

Goddess, give me a camera and let me look at you.. forever... for this moment. I wanted to die, sincerely! Call me a cynic... but that's the truth!

“Are you serious?”

 

"Are you serious?", she asked me.

Am I serious?

I've been waiting for so long to make you feel just that, I'm serious.

Why so serious?

Because I love you.

One lazy afternoon that rolls into a cozy evening is just the setting for a matured kind of love. Call me mushy, call me romantic, the old-fashioned kind. How does it really matter?
Just the day before, she gave me the first gift. It's nice. The way she gave it to me, was even better. It meant to me the care, she almost never showed for me. She's changing. She says, I'm changing too. There are certain things I hate about growing up, growing old. But there are certain others, I love. This is one of those. To be able to shake of your baggage of whatever you had gathered so far. There are moments in life, when you understand, you wont live much longer, not at least in the way you want to. Like an actor gives his best performance after the curtain rises for the last time, like a sportsman puts up his best after the penultimate whistle has blown, you live it up. You know the end is evident, you know you are too helpless to stop it, you're too skeptical to believe that it wont come. You live it up.

This is too good to be true.

You walk the scorching stretches of heat after doing the necessary weird stuff in life, and the last person you expect to meet is her. So, you hardly notice her. She calls you, then tells you, she'll call you up when she's free. You, being the skeptical pessimist you are, keep working your course. You almost forget about her. Somewhere deep down, you believe the call will never come. At the most she'll send a sms, which will say, "some other day probably..." or something like that.
Then you come out of your self constructed closet, where you try to look busy, wearing your self-made cloak of importance! And like silently the angel of life knocks at your doorstep, you see her, waiting. Not really for you, but at the place you least expected.
And you decide, this life is worth giving a try, once more.
So, you drop the duties and be there. Not because you can let go, but because you feel like! and then finally, you gather the courage to ask her out, in full presence of her friends. Not that they'll mind, but somehow, it used to look odd. Then you land up in a place where you can actually be cozy with her. Cozy enough to be able to talk to her, watch her cruising through the books, steal glances of her, be close enough to breath on her neck. You just want to kiss her there, but you know that'll be too much. And you enjoy the sweet pain of helplessness and and she enjoys her toothache because you are happy to be with her.

At some point, she actually wants to know about your feelings about her. You pore it out. You know it can be dangerous according to the principles you like to hold on to, but you don't care about them that much these days. She is too precious to let go, but she is too comfortable this afternoon. She's too good to be yours, but she says she's already yours, and she feels bad that you are troubled with this relationship.
Then, like luck would have planned everything perfect for the evening, you decide to go for a movie. Honestly, it's trash. But that's just the best to suit the bill. Any place cozier than a film hall if you want "not to be looked at", even by her? You just feel her presence beside you. That's all you wanted, ever. The warmth of being together. Not much I suppose?

It's too late and you've already promised her that you'll drop her home. You take a cab and the driver's drunk. So drunk that he escapes an accident just by a whisker all through the way. You feel worried about her, but then as you're pretensions give way to your love, because now it's too strong to be controlled, you feel like dying. You know the kind of life you want with her is not a possibility right now, so you secretly desire for a fatal accident. Impossible? So is this relationship.
You truely give in to the death drive!

No, it doesn't happen that way, but it would've been so good if it did.

She cares....

That's good enough for now...

Am I serious?

Like the desert is about the rain, I am.

 

Quote of the day:
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. - W. C. Fields

Love Message 01

U are every part of me and I don't wanna face another day alone. I wanna spend every second, every minute of the day with u. I wanna see u every morning as I open my eyes. I wanna feel your heart beating every night. I wanna be with u most of the time and never will I allow to anybody to set us apart.

I love u so much and I know love me more but why can't we be together as we wish for? Culture...for us it's a torture. There was a time that I just thought I'm gonna lose my mind. You always come along and then I'll be fine. Hope God will hear my prayers...that is to be with you for the rest of my life.

I know it's stupid to dream about u but I don't mind. If it's wrong to love u, then my heart just won't let me be right. I just always hope that we'll have a place in this world to live happily ever and after. They said, "where there is great love, there are miracles" God help us both to be strong enough to hold. I've found what I've waited for and I couldn't ask for more.

Honey, I will always love u no matter what. Whatever will happen I still thank God. At least he has given us a chance to spend some time together. Things might be impossible for us but in HIM nothing is impossible! I'll do my best to make our relationship great and God will do the rest.